I would like to share some other tips with you. When you describe a change in numbers over time, pay attention to verb tenses. Use a proper tense based on when a change happens.

Yes. If the verb tense is used incorrectly, your audience will be confused.

Not just the verb tenses, but depending on what you want to focus on, choose passive voice or active voice.

There are several cases. First, use it when the subject is unknown or irrelevant. Second, you may want to use it when you are introducing some general truth. In the past, passive voice was preferred in scientific papers, but recent trend is changing.

Have you considered the tactic to avoid nominalization?

It means changing verbs into nouns. For instance, take a look at the following two sentences.
・ We concluded that economic stability is strongly related to happiness.
・ A conclusion was reached that economic stability is strongly related to happiness.

Japanese language often overuses nouns. Because of this, many Japanese students tend to connect words with “of” when they speak English. If you avoid too many “of”s, your speech might sound much more natural and smarter.